I "Heart" Israel

On my way to the airport getting ready to leave Israel somebody asked me where was I from. This is a question I always struggle answering, so I gave my normal speech: Born in Venezuela, raised in Scotland, lived in Spain, Mexico and the US and consider France like a second home… I tend to not commit to a country or strongly state I’m from “X” because in reality I don’t feel I completely belong to any one place. I always think that I’m the “Work In Progress” of my past, the sum of my yesterdays determine who I am today. Every place that I’ve been and lived influences who I am.

I just spent 4 days in Israel and nope, I won’t say now that I'm also from Israel although… per my friend Asaf, next time I’ll go he’ll send me to live with his Rabi friend in Jerusalem for two years (he did clarify I don’t need to “live” with the Rabi). I can study with him and do the necessary work to convert and become a Jew in Israel and therefore an Israeli by law. "They" will then find me a good Man (yes, there’s more than one person in this plot) and they predict I’ll have 4 kids (In Israel, 4 is the new 3). All is a joke… I think. I don't know.. they have already picked a name for me… Carmit and the Rabi part might be too true (so if I ever disappear… please look for Asaf in Israel and ask for me?).

During the past two years my company has been working very closely with a team in Israel, this has allowed me to discover a group of people that I never knew before, a culture, a way of thinking, a way of working and a way of living. Meeting them has impacted me more than I ever thought.

The first shock came two years ago, when meeting a new coworker for the first time, Golan, I asked him with some sort of pity, how’s life in Israel? His answer? Fantastic!!! I was very politically correct in my response and reaction “Oh, please tell me more?” inside I was like: What???? This person’s crazy… all the bombing, the war, the destruction why would they like living there? He continued: “Life is good, people are amazing, full of love for life and thankful for every day. Tel Aviv is a great city, Bohemian, with amazing food and with the sea and the beach by its side”. I was shocked and felt so ashamed and ignorant. I Googled Tel Aviv and this is the first image that I saw back then.

What I knew of Israel was what I saw in the news. Speaking to Golan about Israel I remembered my memories of when I was younger and how much I wanted to go there. I was raised Catholic, went to church, believed in God, went to Catholic school, Catholic college and being in Latin America Catholic faith was all around me. Was I hardcore? Nope, but I did go to Church (from time to time), I also grew up loving history and the places described by history with everything that it represents, so Israel was a dream location for me to go and visit. What I learned about Israel being there is that it has some of the most generous and brave people that I know. They are said to be called “Cactuses” or “Sabra” and if any of them read this, they are probably hitting themselves in the head and wondering who told me this and deny it, but basically, they are hard and prickly on the outside and soft and sweet in the inside. I LOVE THIS!!! And I can attest for this to be the truth.

While on my visit, everybody insisted I had to go to Jerusalem, so on my last day I rushed to finish my agenda for my trip early and of I went on a mini road trip. On my way my friends started talking to me about what I would see and how I was going to be able to understand the cause of all the conflict in the area.

I’m not an expert of Israel’s history and I'll probably do a disservice to my friends that told me their story with so much passion. I’m not even going to try to get all the details right, but I will attempt to give you the cliff notes.

The Jewish people have had no place they could call home since the Romans kicked them out back in the early, early century. It’s unbelievable that their heartfelt story starts here right?… we’re talking of the 1^st century!. Israel was always known as the land of the Jews, where King David built the first Temple on the capital city of ancient Israel - Jerusalem. The Romans arrived in Israel before the birth of Christ when they were out for World Domination... When the Romans started converting into Catholicism, they demanded that the Jews convert, die or go to exile. If you don’t know much about our religions, I can tell you that the Jews and Catholics have the same beginning and history. The Bible tells these stories and teaches us the fundamentals. Jesus Christ was born Jew. Our Bibles in the beginning are all the same. Where we differ is that the Catholics believe in Jesus Christ, this is what the New Testament in the Bible tells us about. So our beginnings are all in Israel and Israel represents the history of both Catholics and Jews. This is all well today, but back then, we are talking of Romans converting. Romans were not born Jews, they believed in multiple Gods and in a way didn't have a Religion. The Catholic Church that exist today is also called the Roman Catholic Church. So at the time they had no respect for the past of the Jesus Christ and therefore the Jews.

On November 29th 1947 after Jews being haunted for almost 2000 years and with the Holocaust being the last straw, the United Nations declared Israel to be a home for the Jews (which was not at this point) and that they should be allowed to return. Israel was not only to be a home to the Jews but more of a 50/50 division with Arabs. Of course it’s a little bit more complicated and I invite you to Google the United Nations Partition Plan. If you know about the Holocaust, you can imagine what this meant to the Jews, to have a place they could call home and not have to hide or run away from. Almost 6 Million Jews died in the Holocaust and in North Africa, my friend Asaf shared a saying with me: “In their death they ordered us to live”. When we learn about History it feels so long ago but  in the case of the Jews, this is the life that their parents and grandparents have lived. Its their story because they are still living it today and it started with "On the first day God created...", can you imagine the feeling?

So with the news that Israel was their home, Jews from Europe and other regions returned to Israel to settle and create new lives and new homes.

So what happened next? It didn’t last… not only did it not last, but to this day they are still fighting for the rights to have Israel be their home.

Why did it not last? I will attempt to share again another piece of history. On May 14^th 1948 and after the British forces left, the Jewish people proclaimed the establishment of the State of Israel. The next day 5 armies from Jordan, Egypt, Lebanon, Syria and Iraq didn’t recognize this Independence and decided to invade the newly created State of Israel. Who was Israel at this stage? A minority of people, around 600K. Those that came back after being chased in the surrounding areas, those that came after being chased in Europe and a small population that lived there. Many had been refugees before they arrived and had to fight without any experience at all for the freedom that they craved. And you know what? They won… and they’ve been wining ever since over and over and over again… There’s been 6 wars all together since 1948. Not one generation has been able to live without being in war and if they are not in war, there are countless states of alerts for bombings that happen to the cities every 3-5 years.

History is so beautiful, enriching, reading and learning about it takes us through so many journeys. But when it's about the History of Israel, it's still the history of the Jews that live there today. I put myself in they're situation and I invite you to do so for just a minute. This means living in a world where our parents have lived all their life protecting the land that we live in, home. It also means that we’ve would have grown in a country that had to become brave to protect the land and with fear of not having a tomorrow. When you hear a siren you have to run to shelter, or step out of their cars. My friend Eric told me that in one of these occasion, he looked up into the sky and saw a missile being destroyed by another one. To be in a country that when you graduate from high school you have to serve 3 years in the military before you go to College and even more. Where our parents would have had to see their sons go to the military for 3 years. I graduated at 16 and in most countries people graduate from high-school at 16, 17 and 18 years old. It is to be considered the underdogs and always having to watch our backs. Having to prove to everybody over and over that we deserve well, that we are smart, we are strong and that we're here to stay.

Every person that I met and had the chance to talk to are very passionate about this all. They live their history and they know what they're writing every day… they speak of it because it’s their past, their present and their future. There hasn’t been an Israeli that I’ve met so far where I haven’t seen the fire and love for their country and remember what I said before? When I asked how’s life in Tel Aviv or Israel? They say AMAZING and if you’ve been to Tel Aviv, I’m sure you count this as one of your favorite cities in the world…. Talking with Eric about my trip, same Eric that saw the missile explode on top of him, he says that he never feels as safe as when he’s in Israel, it is one of the safest countries in the world and you know what? It’s true.  Israel has today, unlike their neighboring countries, a true democracy, top-notch high tech industry and one of the strongest armies and defense systems in the World. For the countries in the surrounding areas, it’s another story…

 My visit to Israel and even more to Jerusalem became personal and something that is hard for me to describe, so prepare for some babbling. I’m sure that my admiration for my new friends comes across and needless to say they had me at “Hello”. Everything they do they do with passion even embracing a girl from far, far away.

During my visit, I was left speechless in many occasions. I also had by far the best companions that I could have wished for. Thank you Asaf and Golan!!! Not only did they give me their precious time, they are both family men and busy (remember, 4 is the new 3) and busy working men. But they shared with me their stories and their love for their country and history. They shared their passion of being proud to be Israelis and honestly, who wouldn’t? The attraction that I feel towards people from Israel comes from them having what I don’t have. I’ve been able to live in so many countries, so many places that I’ve called home and at the same time not really belonging to any. I always say my home is where my bed and pillow are but I will always be a foreigner in every country that I live in. I envy their sense of belonging.

I learned all this and then Jerusalem happened…

I thought I knew about Jerusalem but you really don’t know about Jerusalem until you go to Jerusalem. When people ask me what I thought? How was it? Did I like it? I just become speechless, I try to explain but I can’t and when I think more about it I tear up and tell them I’m sorry I can’t describe it. I apologize in advance if what's next doesn't make sense, but I'm warning you...I still don’t have words for it.

Above was my first view of the city and I say first because in one place and at one time I had the opportunity to see it twice. Up to that point, my friends where explaining to me why this was the source of all the conflicts that they have in the area. When you look at this view, you see Christian Churches, Synagogues and Muslim Temples. You see what used to be Jordan until 1967 to the right side and how different it is to the Israeli part on the left.

But then I really, really saw Jerusalem when Golan said: “You see that patch over there? With the trees? That’s the Mount of Olives”. Standing here and realizing the significance of what I was looking at, the place that Jesus ascended, made me go back to another time in my life and tears started slowly falling down my cheeks. This was bigger than me. I Facetimed my mother, I needed to share it with somebody else for whom this would mean something too and she knew, because in seconds tears were falling down her cheeks. At that moment I missed my Grandmother, Mamama, who passed away a year ago. I know that she's with us and I felt her presence too .She wanted to share the moment with us. 

Now I was looking not only to a patch of trees but to “The” place where Jesus ascended, to where Catholics every year come during Holy Week or any other time to go through Jesus’s journey, his walk, trial, conviction, crucifixion, resuscitation and ascendance. And then I saw everything again. The Churches, the Synagogues and the Muslim Temples were “The” Churches, “The” Synagogues and “The” Muslim temples that meant the world for all these different Faiths. 

I could see the temple that was built where Mohamed ascended and I could see the walls to a city that was the home to the First Temple built by King Salomon in 957BC. What was left of the Second Temple rebuilt later in 515BC and the most important piece of Jew’s Holy Land today. I could see the top of the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, the holiest of sites for Christian Faith.

The Church of the Holy Sepulcher? WOW... I didn’t realize what it really was or meant. I was told “we’re going to show you the place where Jesus was crucified and where his tomb is, where he resuscitated”. For me this was a place far gone, lost in history, an open space, but I was wrong. They built a Church around it…!

I stopped believing or practicing Catholicism’s, if there’s such a thing, when I couldn’t agree with the Catholic Church. I would pray from time to time when somebody needed a prayer because after all, I do believe that there is something, I just don’t know what it is… but it’s not strong enough for me to have what many call Faith.For me it's more a believe, to be good and do good.

Asaf tells me, we “must” go upstairs so you can see the stone where Jesus’s cross was placed when he was crucified. By the way, another Israeli fact? There’s a really cute language translation that happens from Hebrew to English, they always say “must” instead of “should”. So everything is “must” and I tease them all the time. He looks at me like, seriously, this is a real must… not a should. He was right, it was a must. 

After a wait we were allowed upstairs. There was some sort of ceremony going on and prayers, we were asked to stay in silence. I stood there watching and listening and I recognized the prayers. We learn them when we’re kids and we repeat them over and over again. It didn’t matter if they were in Latin at the moment. I started repeating them as I knew them and I started to really listen to what I was saying. The meaning of these prayers and where I was all came together and tears starting falling down my cheeks again… I was standing in what was called Golgotha or also knows as Calvary, the mount were Jesus Christ was crucified. When we were allowed to get closer I went into the covered area in the picture, under the red cover. It was literally an X marks the spot where Jesus’s cross was placed. Suddenly the fact that Jesus was crucified and that he was a person became true to me. I was at the place where one man gave up his life to save us all and for the first time, as an adult, I believed. I hurt for this person who went through everything He did, who to this day I follow his teachings and I believed in Him. I felt love and pain, I felt loved by this Man who believed that He had to die to save us all and He did this out of love for us. In a matter of minutes, I went through a personal journey that brought me from when I was a little girl praying to my guarding Angel to waiting for God to talk to me the day of my first communion, to my teenage years in Catholic school, to going with Mamama to church and praying to San Judas Tadeo for a miracle. What I was feeling was overwhelming and except for when I was that little girl, for the first time as an adult I had Faith.  

When we left the Church I could not talk, I could not stop crying. Not sure what Asaf and Golan thought of me but they kept saying, it’s normal, you’re not the first person to cry when you come here and you won’t be the last. Well, they still talk to me and they still take my calls, so they “must” be telling the truth.

We had another important stop before we headed back to the city. The Wailing Wall or the Western Wall. I had heard of it for many years and did not understand the significance of it. It’s the last piece of the Temple of Jerusalem. It’s a place of faith, prayer and beliefs. Jews go to the temple to pray and in their prayers they ask that the next one be at the temple too.

The significance of the Western Wall for them is as much as The Church of Holy Sepulcher was for me. So we went praying. To the left went the men and to the right the woman. Being at the Church and going through the experience that I went had me feeling very spiritual and with this came my prayers. For the first time in over 30 years I started to pray for real. Guess what? Of course I started to cry… come on, at the point I was in total high sensitivity mode. I had my head leaning against the wall and like Golan said: “Carolina, this is like having a direct line with God, pray. All the other times it was long distance”. And he has no idea how true this was to me… I laid my head on the Wailing Wall and prayed and while I prayed I felt that all my worries and sorrow were being lifted away, I purged myself from all the bad that has happened in my life for the last 30 years and I also forgave myself for anything that I needed to forgive myself for. At the end I was still crying and I was crying of joy. I left the Wall with a smile on my face. When Golan saw me, he asked me with a smile: “What? Why are you crying now?” after all this was a place of significance for the Jews, but he had told me that I had a direct line and this girl used it!

On our way back, I understood. For the Jews and the Muslims this is their place too. This is their faith, their spirituality. A place that is bigger than who each of us are.

Remember what I was saying before about the Bible or the history of our religions? Well for Muslims, Catholics and Jews we all share more or less the Old Testament, our differences come in that Jews believe that the Son of God has yet to come, Catholics that it was Jesus and Muslims that Jesus was a messenger of God and Mohammed the most important prophet.

I now understood the "Why” but I will never understand where we are today, because let me tell you one more thing, there is so much beauty in Jerusalem, so much Faith and belief in God. And it doesn’t matter whose God it is, God always asks us to love and not harm each other, you can Google it!