Mamama

I remember the first time I heard "We need to go and see Mamama because she might not make it to the end of the year". The year was 1978. In Venezuela there's always this feeling that Dec 31st is going to be the end of world. Yes, I know you think we are crazy... and maybe we are, but on Dec 31st you have to be with family until at least 12:01 am on January 1st. We hug, we drink and we cry... don't ask me why we cry, but many of us cry. It can be that you let go of the year that passed and start clean the New Year. For me it was more like, OK... Mamama lived one more year, that meant that we had a couple of months to take a break before we started again with... "you need to be with your Grandma because this might be the last time that you go to a movie together, celebrate a birthday, go to a nursery, visit a garden". Basically every moment we had with her was always special.

That went on for 37 years, last night after a week of downs her body shut off and she left our physical world.

Her relationship with her body was very strange. It never matched her mind. I never saw her weak although she spent most of her life from one ailment to another. She had a brain tumor for crying out loud in 1978 and here she still was all those years later. She loved to walk, to go out, to watch tv, to sew, all this while she had severe osteoporosis that made her bones very weak and multiple problems with her eyes and sight. She was the strongest person I've ever known.

She was the oldest of 12 brothers and sisters or something like that and she buried many of them while still staying strong. They all looked up to her going down to 4 generations. She was everybody's favorite aunt or the sister that they looked up to. Her family and our friends looked for her advice. She knew stuff before things happened and yes, I'm talking about you :). She had a sensitivity to the world and her surroundings that I envy. She always said things as she saw it and we always looked for her approval. She wasn't hard to please... she was very easy going but you still wanted her approval. If Mamama said it, it was true.

When I saw her last month after almost 8 years, the first thing that she said to me was: "You're Carolina? but you look so young! you should look older for being 44 years old, where are the wrinkles?. That my friends was a Mamama compliment all the way.

When Mamama moved in with us, she not only became a stronger presence in our lives but that of our friends too. She was everybody's grandma. There wasn't a person that didn't come home to visit that she wouldn't spoil with something.  She would prepare a "cafecito" for Madeline, people would come to my house on Monday's because they knew she always made "Pabellon" on that day. She would make her famous Christmas cake because she knew how much people "needed" it during Christmas and didn't want to let them down. Many who came home to visit knew they had to visit her first. They would go in her room before they could spend time with the rest of the family. I'm sure she could write a novel with all the secrets that she knew.

There was no food as the food that Mamama cooked. People would look for he recipes because they wanted to copy everything she made. Some even wanted to open a restaurant with her. They stayed a secret... not because she wouldn't share is just that she just cooked... a pinch of this and a pinch of that. She invited you to be next to her so you could take notes... but then when you least expected it she would add an ingredient that she didn't tell you about...  it was a waste of time to complain... your fault that you weren't paying attention all the time or she just didn't know she was going to do that until it happened... She just knew how to cook! People would be home and not hungry an could never say no to a plate of Mamama's food. You also didn't have much of a chance, she took it as a personal offense if you didn't eat what she made. Her food will forever be with us and for sure you've had something that comes from something she made. Lynn, that eggplant lasagna is all her.

She loved plants... she had us go around all the nurseries in Caracas on weekends and holidays to buy what I considered at the time very boring plants, plant food or anything plant related. People would bring her their plants so she could "rescue" them. I now have plants all over my home. it would feel naked not to have them. When she moved out of her house she cried for her plants, some were as old as my Mum or uncles. She loved roses and gardens. I remember when she went to visit us in Glasgow she would ask me to take her to the parks to enjoy the flowers. I can hear her voice like now: "Ay Carolina, mira esas rosas".

I would have loved to have taken her to so many places, she would have loved this view on the South of France. Unfortunately by the time I had the chance to do so, her body had weaken considerably.

For me, Mamama was my grandma. She was a grandma just like you imagine a grandma is. I've been lucky to have amazing grandparents and blessed to have had the chance to enjoy them. She gave us everything she had, her love, her care, her tenderness and grandmotherness...

She knew how to sew and since I was a little girl her cloths became part of my life. When I was Queen of Carnaval in my kindergarden, she made me coronation dress.... my first important dress... it was a white dress, in 70's fashion that had daisies all over. For all my life daisies were my favorite flower and have always reminded me of that dress. She made my whole trousseau when I left for my Quineceanera trip, made me the dress I wore when I graduated and the suits that I wore when I started working as a professional.

Every year we would sit down to watch the Sound of Music, she loved romantic comedies, musicals and those old fashion love stories. She would enjoy the music, the scenarios, the dresses and at the same time she would complain how silly those girls were for falling in love like that. Same thing went for her Telenovelas and for her they best were from RCTV. She would not watch those of Venevision... big no, no.

She took me to the park, to the movies, she would have taken me to see the vampire movies even if she didn't like them. All I needed was to ask and she would be there for me.

If we wanted something, we would just pretend we did a bad job at it and she would take over. From making one of her amazing grilled sandwiches to ironing a shirt, because honestly, she always just did everthing better.

Her birthday was on Christmas Day, it was the perfect day and it would be a guaranteed day with Mamama... because you know... it could be her last one. Of course this with time became a joke for the family. When we moved away from Venezuela it became more difficult to spend time with her. The last time most of us got together to celebrate was when she turned 80. My sister and I didn't tell her we were going to Venezuela. It was a huge surprise... well, we almost killed her... twice! I arrived on Christmas Eve and my sister on Christmas Day... one surprise she loved, two? she wanted to kill us. We had an amazing time and I was lucky to catch her reaction. I made this video for her to enjoy that day... Christmas and her birthday with family.

She loved everything and everyone. She still had that innocence and naiveness of people of her time. She was able to marvel herself of the most insignificant things. And the little details would make her happy.

I never saw her as happy as when I saw her last. I'm very grateful I had the chance to spend time with her and marvel at her joy de vivre.... she was living in a home where she had a saying in everbody's life... she reminded me of a politician in campaign... "Malala concejal" . We spent time speaking of everything and anything we would remember. We laughed while we chatted about people and she would ask me how's this person? how's this other? She remembered you all... Veranira, Madeline, Jannette... Thanks to Facebook I was able to give her updates and show her pictures of all the people she knew or remembered. We FaceTime with my brother and sister and she spent time with her great granddaughter, who was just born, watching her while she gave us her first sounds and looks of surprise to the world. She enjoyed every moment of them and even if they were far away, she felt that my sister, niece and brother were there with her. I left thinking I should get her an iPad, sign her up on Facebook and FaceTime with us. That would have been the bomb! Mamama on Facebook and FaceTime...

She never liked pictures, there aren't many of her and less of her smiling. During my last visit she posed for me over and over and over again and she didn't stop smiling. She of course veto the ones she didn't like so I had to delete them in front of her :). I'm telling you she was smart.

I once read that as spiritual beings there are only beginnings and never endings. I now just need to get used to the idea that 2015 is the last time I said: "we have to go and see Mamama because this might be her last year with us".

Te quiero Mamama.